the latest installment...

The Las Vegas Shelby Boss 302
#7 Jim Beam Toyota Pre Race Report

• What in the wide, wide, world of sports is going on here? – Just two races into this year’s Sprint Cup series, and already a number of very good teams find themselves at or near the top-35 bubble. Team Hendrick driver Dale Earnhardt Jr, - after arguably causing “the big one” at Daytona - now sits in the 35th spot, one place below Jim Beam Toyota driver Robby Gordon. Earnhardt claims he needs to race more aggressively and that too many people he doesn’t respect are trying to take advantage of him. Brokeback Mountain star Jake Gyllenhaal recently admitted to Earnhardt, “I’m not trying to take advantage of you, I just can’t quit you.”

• RGM hires oldest living Navajo Code Talker – In an effort to better conceal race-day set-ups and changes, RGM has hired 97 year-old Navajo Chief ‘Stands with Clenched Track Bar Wrench’ as their newest employee. ‘Stands’ will be working with Crew Chief Kirk Almquist to develop unique word codes which the RGM crew chief will deploy in communications with Gordon on car set-up changes during the race. Chief ‘Stands’ is pleased to join RGM and looks forward to “chasing the black dog through the banana field” with his new employer.

• TTCOT is AWOL at ACS – In an encouraging development last week, Gordon laid down a very stout qualifying run at the Auto Club Speedway in Fontana, starting the race a respectable 12th. Sadly, Gordon’s Jim Beam Toyota became extremely tight after the green flag and, after an early pit stop, found himself in the back of the field. “The good news is we know what is wrong the car and we’ll be better in Las Vegas,” noted Gordon. The cause of the issue was diagnosed as a bad set of Toyo tires.

Robby Gordon Quotes: Obviously last week’s result was a huge disappointment to the team, especially after the great qualifying run we had. Clearly we need to do better in Vegas this week and I expect a strong finish from my team…just as long as they all show up to the race on time. I fear they are all calling the numbers found on those little flyers they keep handing out on the Strip.

Kirk Almquist Quotes: (Editors note: Kirk was unreachable for his quote this week and calls left on his cell phone were strangely answered by a woman named Bambi who would neither confirm or deny whether she’s seen the wayward crew chief. She did admit, however, that a gentleman matching Almquist’s general description had been seen at her “establishment” along with 8 other gentlemen wearing matching red and black uniforms. “They were all very good tippers,” she said.)